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How Easy to Simply Fade Away
I forgot why I was writing and almost walked away
Ah, the seduction of those few extra hours in bed.
The calling of Christmas day — only one week away. .
Surely a time for some respite from ALL THIS WORK? THE Godawful YEAR?
And then comes Christmas Day, followed by Boxing Day, followed by the day after Boxing Day,
And suddenly I’m out of practice… almost.
So mid-evening, a few days later, I finally sit down to write again.
Coming easier than I thought, but fueled by guilt. Fueled by anger at myself for so easily letting this go.
All it took was the promise of a new job, a salary, another means of making my way in the world, and I was gone. Whoosh…
To so easily give up on myself for the one thing I’d been doing for myself. For spiritual growth, for healing.
Of instantly forgetting the benefits I’d garnered from this pastime, and thinking of it only in terms of income and then inwardly argue, “Why not, it’s such a pittance?”
And so easy to readjust the view so it looked like hard work, effort, with little upside.
And then I remembered the insights, the value I’d stored up in facing myself daily and sharing that with the world.
Was everything I said just filling blank pages, or did it mean something to me? Do I walk the walk, or simply talk?
So easy to just give up..
I’m back — but only just.
Just for today.
